They/Them

This is Camp Whistler, whose upbeat motto of “Respect. Renew. Rejoice.” is matched in cadence by its cheery head counselor, Owen Whistler (Kevin Bacon). Owen ...

The unimpressive resolution is tied up in notions of righteous vengeance, which the movie approaches in such oddly didactic fashion as to be not only ethically gutless, but cinematically offensive in how absolutely vapid it proves to be. Were this a movie where said flattening could make room for something chilling, upsetting, or even deviously fun, it would be more than forgivable, but once They/Them dispenses with its repetitive fake-out scares, it becomes largely concerned with conversations, some of them eerie, but most of them verbose and emotionally nondescript. What’s left is a story that treads water as it borrows spare parts from better conversion therapy dramas, between scenes of reclaiming joy through song and dance, which have no meaningful ripple effects the way they do in The Miseducation of Cameron Post, and rigorous therapy sessions that are much more claustrophobic and viscerally disturbing in Boy Erased. This element of choice is, of course, illusory, since many of the kids were sent to Camp Whistler by their parents, but Owen ensures a welcoming atmosphere, and an unexpected understanding when protagonist Jordan (Theo Germaine), a nonbinary character, asks to be addressed using they/them pronouns. This is Camp Whistler, whose upbeat motto of “Respect. Renew. Rejoice.” is matched in cadence by its cheery head counselor, Owen Whistler (Kevin Bacon). Owen makes his intentions known up front: he wants this group of gay, bisexual, transgender, and nonbinary youths to find a sense of gender normativity, but only if they really want to. A more straightforward film than its shlocky title might suggest, John Logan’s directorial debut They/Them (pronounced “they slash them”) finds ways to occasionally allude to the dangers of conversion therapy, but rarely conjures real dread with its scattered serial killer saga.

The cringe-worthy horror film discovered the one thing more upsetting than gay conversion-therapy camp: a singalong to a Pink ballad.

When They/Them finally came to a screeching halt and cut to black, I thought I had escaped this nightmarish world for good. So to be confronted with it in They/Them, when I had nowhere to run after letting my guard down watching the film’s one emotional moment, was like being thrust into a horror movie of my own. So forgive me if I am not one to sympathize with P!nk’s perspective on apparently living an embattled life when one of the most popular songs in her oeuvre was hellbent on tearing women down for shopping and dating. Or what about when P!nk got on stage at an event held by the Human Rights Campaign (already questionable) and began her speech by saying, “I’m gay…actually I’m not.” Personally, I think it’s very cool and fun to treat coming out like a silly little joke. A little song called “Brave” by Sara Bareilles. Perhaps anything off Born This Way. My god, Britney Spears’ “Lucky” even could’ve done the trick in the right context. I even kept my Peacock subscription running for another month past the final episode of Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip Season 2 just so I could access They/Them one more time on the day of its release to write an accurate article—journalism isn’t dead, folks. It’s unfortunate, then, that all of the potential in They/Them is squandered by paper-thin characters, nonsensical writing, and a true misunderstanding of the real horrors that exist inside those camp gates. Even more shocking is that They/Them is directed and written by John Logan, who has not only written fantastic films like Skyfall and Aviator, but is also openly gay himself. They/Them (or “They Slash Them”) is the new slasher film out Friday on Peacock, billed as “an LGBTQIA+ empowerment tale set in a conversion camp.” It’s trying to bring some originality back to mainstream horror. It’s filled with barren, platitudinal lyrics (“Change the voices in your head/make them like you instead”) and banal messaging. If you might not know, “Fuckin’ Perfect” is a bottom-of-the-barrel self-empowerment anthem that’s specifically crafted by P!nk to be a dastardly, chorus-heavy earworm. The real scares in They/Them are found in its cringeworthy screenplay, particularly one scene that I’ll never be able to shake.

They/Them on Peacock is a horror movie starring Kevin Bacon that feels out of touch with modern LGBTQ teens.

This is not to say the queer youth of today don’t face harassment or prejudice, of course, especially in red parts of the country. Written and directed by John Logan (The Aviator, Hugo), They/Them stars Germaine as Jordan, a nonbinary teen sent to a gay conversion therapy camp by their parents. But, perhaps more frustrating is the fact that They/Them doesn’t work as a modern queer coming-of-age story, either. (Perhaps he should start by ditching the letterman, lest someone mistake him for a 40-year-old bully.) It’s as if same-sex marriage legalization, Glee, and gay Tik Tok never happened. Bacon stars as the camp’s charismatic leader, who genially insists he’s not homophobic, he just wants to help the kids who want to be “normal.” There is no mention of God, Jesus Christ, or snowflake libs, so right away, the concept of a camp like this in 2022 feels… Despite a compelling cast of characters—including a delightfully manic Kevin Bacon—the movie doesn’t work as a slasher.